panda's heaven on earth

上班的下午，办公室突然开始了各种躁动。同事们的新闻滚动更新从他送医院那刻就没有停止。LA Times最早报道了他的去世，大家都还不信，直到CNN的主页出现了 Michael Jackson has Died的标题时所有的猜测才算结束。那条新闻也彻底地打破了我期望奇迹的妄想。我对Michael Jackson没有特别的感觉，但是不愿看到生命的消逝。我一直愿意相信法航的班机上有幸存者，即使是今天我也宁可去幻想有人正在大西洋的小岛上演鲁宾逊漂流记的传奇。 死亡这个话题太沉重，沉重到让我只能用幻想去逃避。

突然开始因为一些事不安，开始总结自己失败的种种。现实世界的种种失望和无奈在心里挥之不去。索性看《柯南》还有《青春》，因为那里的情感单纯简单，现实世界被完美地简化。我不相信绝对的单纯和美好，因为天地日月都尚且不全，何况人事呢。但我不愿去思考，甚至于正视过多的复杂。喜欢像《小王子》那样的书，因为它纯净，纯净得可以让人流泪。难过的时候会想泰戈尔的诗，虽然已不记得词句，却能感受到那如山泉般清冽的纯美。失望的时候，想得最多的就是王尔德的《快乐王子》。无数次为那个善良而不惜自我毁灭的美丽灵魂感动，而故事的结尾也总是能够让我流泪。“人们决定推倒那座雕像，因为他不再美丽了。” 如果说善良属于童话，那么自私、虚伪和贪婪就是现实社会的标签。我相信美好的一切，但是我从来不信在这个社会真的有“善有善报，恶有恶报”。 现实社会很复杂，选择了善良就不该以获取回报为目的。

Just got the DVD of it. I will bring it to Seattle and watch it with Bil. As a Chinese, I feel obligated to let people around me know about the history and understand it. I believe this is the most efficient way to fight against about Japanese government is doing right now. Education is often more persuasive than hatred.

Finally, I can feel the sweetness of summer now. I love summer, no matter where I am, Chongqing, Beijing, or Portland.

似乎我的夏天总是有故事的，似乎陽光里都會滲著回憶和感懷。夏天聽過的音樂也格外難忘。總覺得夏天的空氣里有說不出的氣息，哪怕是在這個平靜的夏天也藏著異樣的驚喜和不可名狀的激動。或許世界杯和歐洲杯遙遠的戰火在我心裡從來就沒熄滅過吧，也許我的心裡还惦記著五大聯賽的謝幕演出。初夏從來就是足球的盛筵。時常因為足球而失落，為了自己的中途放棄而悵然。曾經是那樣的癡迷沈醉，如今卻連足球新聞都很少讀過了。如果說人的一生就是趕路和拾花的過程，那足球或許就是我摘下來卻有拋在半路的一朵小花吧。我依然在往前走，可是那朵趟在地上的花卻越來越遠，最終消失不見了。

不知為甚麼，突然就想起了足球。或許夏天的陽光就是用來照亮回憶的吧。

要考试了突然开始看《我的青春谁做主》（同志們，鄙視我吧。）不過對這個電視劇挺喜欢的，个人觉得比《奋斗》强，至少没有两个大自私鬼来恶心我。而且，方宇不抽烟，这点比华子帅～（在美国呆久了就不觉得男人抽烟天经地义了。。。）

帖歌詞吧。 只为了你

每一个地方爱着你

天黑还是天亮 哪里都一样

快乐和悲伤 不用讲

只要你能看见 我就敢去闯

任何天气 我们一起来呼吸

爱上了你 生命也要交给你

只为了你 看天空抱着地球

你就是我的宇宙 爱到别无所求

只为了你 才能相信我自己

每天每分每秒 都是我们的天地

因为有你 走到最后的勇气

一生一点一滴 是爱你的意义

一天结束了四门课，兴奋却有些伤感。从来没有因为法学院这么感动过，告别IBT的时候很想告诉Prof. Taylor不要就这么走了。Labor Law结束的时候很不舍地离开了教室。一想到Prof. Drummonds要出国一年就特别的舍不得。想到EFCA带给他的失望，心里忍不住酸酸的。听着他说或许有生之年看不到Labor Law 改革的时候，眼泪就在眼睛里打转。走出Lawyers in Society的教室时覺得又温暖又有些許的失落。Prof. Bushaw或许是整个法学院最能给人希望和温暖的教授吧。她爱每一个学生，她用一言一行教会学生善良乐观的意义。雖然她遠不如跟她大學同班的Eliot Spitzer著名，但她卻能夠得到所有人的尊敬和喜愛。我也再一次地感到名和利在尊敬面前是多麼的蒼白無力。人可以窮困，可以庸碌，但卻絕對不能失去善良和真誠。這是我到法學院學到的最重要的東西。 希望以後還能夠遇到這樣的教授選到這樣的課吧。這時候才突然覺得當初放棄IP的正確。You never know what's best for you untill you try it out.

"Which statute confirms the policy of America's openness and pro-immigration position?"

" The Statue of Liberty."

我想找个挣钱的男人。他挣的是我的，我挣的还是我的。

This is a quote from a guy I just talked to. I feel the same way. I guess that is the key to be a good professor. You don't need to flatter students to make them like you. You treat them with your respect and your passion for law and for teaching.

Also, you don't have to be mean to people simply because you went to Harvard. (You know who I am referring to, *__^)

I start my morning with a 12oz or a 16oz (if I am working, or hungry) mocha. It is definitely a high calorie drink but I feel that it is good breakfast for me. I am not picky but I find that Starbucks mocha is constantly watery and I have to add cameral sauce to make it more flavorful. Jim & Patty's has the best mocha in Portland. Grand Central offers high quality mocha and perfect baked goodies. The coffee shop across the street from the Multnomah County Courthouse has very good mocha but I won't be able to enjoy it that often once I am done with my Trial Advocacy class. The coffee shop near my house used to have decent mocha but now the new guy there seems not know how to make a good drink. (The lack of consistency is the problem with independent local store.)

Seattle generally has better coffee. Panama Hotel has good mocha drink and most coffee shops do a better job with mocha. Well, Seattle is said to be the place where people tend to take coffee really seriously. (Well, mocha is not a real coffee drink but only coffee people could make it well.) I like the fact that Seattle mocha is less sweet and more sophisticated. Vancouver BC's coffee tastes more like Seattle's.

I am thinking that I should save the whipped cream for purpose of lowering the calorie. But the white cream on top always makes the drink more attractive to me. I guess I will keep on drinking mocha with whip till the day I have to really watch my weight.

Don't act as if you were a politician. It is not the time. Or it is the last chance when you don't have to be a politician and do good for a group of people. Don't take it too seriously. It is just a student government. Political rules do not apply in this innocent world. We are students. We don't want politics at this point. Yes, it is a government. BUT it is a STUDENT government. There is no real government function involved. (Nothing important that I am aware of. Don't tell me I am ignorant. I ran student org and I am working for the REAL government.) My understanding is that student government is the liaison between students and the school. That's all. Passion and a bit sense of organization will be good enough. Well, what do I know about the significance of student "GOVERNMENT."

People think themselves know everything. But they don't. They think too good of themselves. Student government is a low demanding job. (I mean to maintain the way they run it is nothing difficult. I could only know their existence during the finals when they provide some cheap snacks. I thank them for that but I would be happier if I paid less tuition and have no snacks.)

People said they supported diversity when they did not even understand what diversity was. Diversity is not the skin color.It is not about being liberal. It is about different views. It is about "和而不同“ as Confucius said. Unfortunately, most people don't understand. Most people don't. Only the skin color will never make you an Asian. Being an Asian means way more than simply being "yellow." A mix of skin colors does not mean diversity. Unfortunately, people don't understand even when they have already become the icon of the AAP.

We need someone who really cares about our voice. Unfortunately, what we have is mostly a group of self-interested/self-important people. We don't need someone to teach us how to be a politician. We need our voice to be heard, either is "conservative" or "liberal." People don't understand. People will never understand. That is the reality.

春假，一边改论文一边上班一边玩游戏和看各种东东。出于好奇看了看《奋斗》（我强烈不喜欢夏琳。。。最看不了理直气壮当第三者，还高喊爱情万岁的。）别的不说了，姑娘还是挺好看的。俺喜欢特别瘦的女孩子，哈哈。

听到那首《左边》突然开始掉眼泪。因为那首歌也曾经赚足了我的眼泪。很多很多已经记不清了，或者说长大了，没有时间理会儿时的多愁善感了。前阵子把《塔罗牌恋人》刻了张盘开车的时候听，突然想起来自己其实也是因为一个人学会的塔罗，因为同一个人开始写小说。那段日子真的是越来越远了。也可能是幸福太久了？如今的生活非常的平静，很真实也很踏实。真爱你的人是不会让你哭的。我原来不信，现在慢慢地开始懂了。那个总能让你流泪到天亮的人，顶多是在意你罢了。生命很短，多哭一次少笑一次。哭多了爱也也会淡，再浓的酒也经不住兑咸水的。 好了，baichi（不知道哪两个字。。。我是文盲。）完毕。继续劳动法论文，不让俺可爱的教授失望。最后贴歌词，歌还会唱，不过这个人已经模糊了。有些人值得记住，有些人却正好相反。那个人就算是第二类吧。

总是忍不住寂寞掉下眼泪 你才会给安慰 担心 短暂的晴天 随时都可能 被阴霾收回 等待 有机会最坏也最甜美 我乐观却疲惫 因为太怕失去你 所以连快乐里 都装满伤悲 你不曾发觉 你总是用右手 牵着我 但是心却跳动 在左边 你和我之间的遥远 永远隔着亲切 爱少的可怜 伸出右手 想陪着你向前走 感受你爱我的心跳在左边 那么深深爱你的我 想信你会了解 总在埋怨过你的冷漠 之后又急着说抱歉 彷佛向疏远的你 乞求一点体贴 都是我不对 结果有可能最美也最可悲 我做好了准备 也许太自由的你 心里面那个家 谁也不能回 你不曾发觉 你总是用右手 牵着我 但是心却跳动 在左边 你和我之间的遥远 永远隔着亲切 爱少的可怜 伸出右手 想陪着你向前走 感受你爱我的心跳在左边 那么深深爱你的我 想信你会了解 我一直相信 总有一天 你会用左手 牵着我走向明天 未来很遥远 却会实现 心在同一边 就能够 听见 你说的那句 我爱你 你不曾发觉 你总是用右手 牵着我 但是心却跳动 在左边 你和我之间的遥远 永远隔着亲切 爱少的可怜 伸出右手 想陪着你向前走 感受你爱我的心跳在左边 那么深深爱你的我 (你一定看的见)

I could not get access to my Victoria's Secrete Card online because I could not type in my own security answer correctly. Thanks for adding the extra measure after I placed fraud alter. But so far, I am the one who could not check for my own credit card account and make sure everything is perfect.

But honestly, I am thankful for every single extra protective step each creditor is taking. What convenience dare I expect after all my personal info has been compromised?

Again, for the thieves: CAO Ni DA YE DE!!!!!

终于写完了40页的论文，如释重负了。不过这才第一稿，还有第二稿。英文写作是无止尽的。怀念写中文的时候，洋洋洒洒写完了通读上一遍基本就可以交差了。英文就得改来改去，自信心直线下降。现在发现，相比写英文文章，还是写合同更舒服。不用文笔好，但需脑袋清醒。 距信息失窃已经两个礼拜了，所有的混乱其实才刚刚开始。这两周至少去了10次银行，前前后后、忙里忙外。只能往好了想算是增长经验了吧。经过这个，我对所有职业人的信赖已经降到了低点。不时地反思自己即将从事的职业，突然觉得责任心和善心其实比什么都重要。不论自己的境遇如何，想人所想及人所及，这样就不错了吧。

最近又开始天天听郭德纲的相声，没事也看看网上对他的各种传言。不知道人们的看法来自何处，我本人觉得他算是挺实诚的人。感觉他的段子虽说有的不适合小孩子，但是却并不俗气。不明白所谓的专家为什么老批评说他的东西没内涵。能把寻常百姓的喜怒哀乐都化成段子难道还不算是思想？当年不是说真正的艺术要反映劳动人民的真是生活么？真不知道故弄玄虚和附庸风雅的毒风还要吹到什么时候。 还有人说听郭德纲的段子能想像这个人一定非常阴暗。我倒是觉得他是个活得非常明白清醒的人，人只有在剖析罢自己之后才可能懂得如何恰到好处地打趣自嘲。谁都有阴暗的一面，唯一不同的只是消除这片阴暗的方式。说出来大家一乐，其实反儿就没事了。弗洛伊德不是说么，所有的情感体验只可能被压抑不可能彻底消亡么。在品过许多至俗或至雅的艺术以后发现其实坦诚真挚才是最宝贵的。不论主题大小，能够写出真”人“的都算是好作品。我喜欢Virgil很大程度就是因为他刻画的那个有血有肉的Dido。虽然故事已经忘差不多了，但依然清楚地记得Dido哀怨的表情。我是个俗人，文学艺术的于我而言主要是给我一个反思自省的机会。文学和法律专业已经让我很难再沉醉于艺术之中。如今的我试图通过文字去思考，去理解。了解他人的同时更好地看清自己。（感觉文学已经被我很悲哀地解构了。）

最近在读一些律师的传记，更加明白善良和热情的珍贵。同时也觉得自己这辈子虽说不可能成个天才却完全有可能做一个真诚大度的人。做个好人，为了神灵，也为了自己。

Got frustrated with all the hustle caused basically by the stupid banker and the inadequate bank protective measures. They made a mistake and now I have to bear the loss of $1,000 for a while and ran all over the world to fill out a form they need in order to get my money back. I haven't received any apologies or any comfort. Yes, who am I, who cares about me? If I had a million dollar in the bank, I bet they will treat me million times better. Who will care about a customer who is far from rich. I learn another great lesson about my triviality.

I hope there will be a day I will be a customer the bank will not want to lose. The world is just so XXXXXXXX realistic. Money speaks louder than anything else. My Mom once told me that for banks they only love people with money. I don't complain because there is no way or even hope I could change this. It may be easier if I just do my job well.

I have filed an FTC complaint about Wells Fargo and filed a complaint with the branch about the banker who served me. I don't always make official complaint but now I feel an urge to be heard. However trivial I am, I am entitled to a voice. (Btw, what is democracy? To me, it is just the chance for everybody to speak and be heard. Change will never happen because of my own voice but for people who happen to hear it may get something out of what I said. I am comfortable enough with a result like this.)

Just saw a sentence: Live happily because you will die for a long long time. It is a joke but I was pretty touched by it because of many many reasons. I am trying to tell myself calm down because there is really nothing serious. It was only $1,000 dollar (which I could be able to get back once the bank finishes its investigation). It was even less scary than the burglary of last year. I will make my next 1K dollar without much trouble.

I need to finish my paper this weekend. Hopefully, I will also need to schedule a car maintenance. I must call the charity center by March 5th so that they will get money for my sponsored kid. Other than that, I still need to read for class.

It seems that I manage to live one and a half year without somebody breaking my heart. I am enjoying peaceful happiness in my personal life. (Not financial life, obviously.) I am grateful for the peace and security I have right now. I am still fundamentally in shape because I am living a satisfactory life. I am not an extraordinary person and I am happy with the little joy I am having everyday.

OK. I am done complaining. I will send all the affidavits out and make all the phone calls I need to make. But before I go, I want to warn anyone who is fed on other's mistake or carelessness that shame will always be with them and I sincerely wish they go to HELL.

Proudly became a victim of ID Theft. I now have a comprehensive monitoring system going on. Thieves, please be aware.

Don't understand why smart people choose to become thieves instead of making their own fortune. XXXX those people. God made a mistake to give you guys high IQ.

My plan may be brunch plus a whole day of study (or writing A paper). My prof told us today that he left the valentine candies for us at home and promised us that he would do that next year in class, which means we will never get the candies.

The other day, my boss told me that it would be easier for another Asian girl (Asian-American) to get a job than it is for me. His reason was that the other lady always has nice and expensive clothes and wears make-ups. He might be right. But I don't think I will change because I don't have money and time. Also, I guess I just don't want to dress up for others' pleasure. Maybe that's why I will never be a princess. That's fine. I choose the way I wanna be.

最近又开始狂听郭德纲，太逗了。现在看见洋人都想说相声，可惜他们没这个福气听懂啊。或许俺把大家拌美的时间都用到了听郭德纲上了，也难怪美不了了。哈。

"There are many people just like me who just lost their jobs." ------- Rod Blagojevich

People lost their job because of the economy. You lost your job because of immorality. You are totally different from innocent people who lost their jobs. Shameless! 见过不要脸的，还真没见过这么不要脸的。

突然发现居然没有一个字提到温哥华。真是越来越懒了，原来无论如何也是要写个游记的。不过今天是真的没时间了，这学期也玄了，30页的论文还没提笔呢。怀念大学毕业论文，3000－4000字，嘿嘿。。。

加拿大跟美国确实太接近了，开车听的广播都几乎是一个声音，一个语气。如果不是枫叶旗的提醒真的会全然忘记自己其实已经身在另一个国度。但温哥华却也有着和美国城市不同的气质，似乎多了那么点点的安然和闲适。感觉上就是澳门之于香港一样。较之美国，温哥华也有更多的亚洲元素，格局和人口结构都是如此。真不知道是移民改变了这座城市还是这座城市天生的亚洲气质吸引了移民。吃到了不错的亚洲饭，还有久违了的羊肉串（好贵，3个加元一根还是两根起卖。）每晚光顾downtown的那一家甜品店，蛋糕是10多块钱一块，不过比Papa Hayden's 的要好吃和实在很多。没有喝冰酒也没买枫糖。超市里卖的糖浆居然是made in usa， 万恶的帝国主义工业化大生产啊。普通咖啡店的mocha比波特兰的强，咖啡的味道更纯也更直接。新年特色的焦糖苹果比上回在西雅图吃的更好，酸甜搭配得恰到好处。购物的地方很多，而且似乎更加贴近亚洲人的口味 （虽然俺啥都没买吧）。

去了许多有意思的地方，但没时间写了。等什么时候闲下来再说吧。不过，劝告来自俄勒冈或者华盛顿的同志们不要去Capalino (something like that) Suspension Bridge，20多块钱的门票，风景就合我们学校后院的森林公园没有两样。去过Bend或者Mt. Ranier, Hood, etc的人们千万不要上当了。用bil的话说，这不过是$5的经历而已。（我们或许已经被大自然宠坏了。。。）

Fairly busy but feeling right on track. Hope everything will work out eventually. BPA is not hiring many people this year because none of us is leaving except for the graduating students. Recession makes people want to keep their jobs than venture for the unknown. Again, I feel so fortunate of having the wonderful job. I was reading Emile in my leisure. (I am a slow and inconsistent reader.) But I like reading brilliant works, even though it might be harder to read.

In class now, 3rd one for today. The class is fun. And I wish law school class could all be like this one.

听着林俊杰的《西界》，眼泪不住地流。希望这眼泪能洗去心里藏着的所有不安、失落与惆怅。深夜开车去了附近的墓地，想要找到《墓外遐想录》里夏多布里昂的灵感，可以自己终究不是文人。带着没有减少的怅然开车离开。夜里的墓园大门紧锁，暮色和亡灵一样凄然冷清。白天清晰可见的雪山也被黑夜吞噬。夜有着神奇的力量，能够包容一切却也遮盖原本无比清晰的种种。沉沉的黑夜让人敬畏，也让白天躁动不安的心慢慢歇下。任性地让自己痛快地哭，希望把泪眼藏在夜幕之中。不过，天总是会亮的，哭过之后也就该笑了。

Bil很认真地问过我一个很傻很天真的问题 “你们国家不是共产主义么，为啥公厕还要收费？”

The first time in my life to be snowed in for about a week. It was both exciting and frustrating. But it is nice to see everywhere covered in snow especially during X'mas.

Went out for shopping yesterday and bought some cheap clothes. I bought a C.S. Lewis' book because I loved the preface of it. "Evil can be undone, but it can not 'develop' into good."

"We are not living in the world where all roads are radii of a circle and where all, if followed long enough, will therefore draw gradually nearer and finally meet at the centre: rather in a world where every road, after a few miles, forks into two, and each of those into two again, and at each fork you must make a decision. Even on the biological level life is not like a river but like a tree. It does not move towards unity but away from it and the creatures grow further apart as they increase in perfection. Good, as it ripens, becomes continually more different not only from evil but from other good."

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=98286993.

Even though BPA belongs to DOE, it enjoys great independence. No matter what, he will be the new top leader in D.C..